Wanna play house?

A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Stevie, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate." He says to her, "that word is...

Hollywood Squares Q&A

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.. Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for...

Christmas sign of the times....

As a little boy climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

Old Flame...

A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame. "Honey," she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years...

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids. Bad: You can't find your birth control pills. Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room. Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there....

Character qualities to look for in a marriage partner

A daughter asks her mother, “What are character qualities that I should look for in a marriage partner? You know, for someone that I will be spending eternity with." The mother replied, ”Go ask your father, he did better than I did.”

Pee in the pool...

Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," insisted Little Johnny. "That may be," said the...

What kind of car was he driving?

A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number. “What kind of car was he driving?” the husband asked. “I don’t know,” she said. “I never can tell one car from...

Apple Does It Again!

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup size, speaker size, and storage capacity. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because...

Potty Trained

While carpenters were working outside the old house I had just bought, I busied myself with indoor cleaning. I had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay I looked from his muddy boots to my...

Simple Philosophy

One day in philosophy class they spent a great deal of time debating whether the glass was half full or half empty. After the class, one student was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was learning at university, so when he went home he...

Satan In Church...

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a...

Sex and athletics....

It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and...

Chalk One Up For The Parents!

An elderly man in Miami calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't...

Landlord Problems Through the Ages

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel...

2 Blonde Guys & The Wrong Nails

Ron and John, 2 blonde guys, were building a house. John was on a ladder, nailing. He'd reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood. Ron couldn't stand it any...

Winning toast

Patrick hoisted his beer and said: "Here's to spending the rest of my life between the legs of me wife!" And with that he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night. In bed later that night, he told his wife: "Mary, I won the prize for...

Compassion With an Umbrella

A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women,...

The Wailing Wall

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man. She asks,...

Getting to Heaven from the Post Office

A preacher, newly called to a small country town, needed to mail a letter. Passing a young boy on the street, the pastor asked where he could find the post office.After getting his answer, the minister thanked the boy and said, “If you’ll come to the...

She Only Wants Her Half Of The Road...

A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much...

You Know You're Getting Old When...

..your sweetie says, "Lets go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!" ...your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you'rebarefoot. ...a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garagedoor...

An Unusual Nativity

A religious education class was almost finished making their models of the nativity scene and one little boy had done a lovely job. Some animals, Mary, Joseph, three wise men, and shepherds were all there. However, the teacher noticed an extra, rather...