Church Every Sunday

Son: "Dad, did you go to Church when you were little?" Dad: "Yes son, every single Sunday." Son: "I thought so. Bet it won't do me any good either."

Diaper Change

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said, "I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. The husband looked puzzled,...

Three nurses went to heaven

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates. The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose...

Psychic Parrot

Three women walk in a pet shop. Suddenly the parrot yells out, "Yellow, pink, blue." The first lady says, "That's funny, Iâm wearing yellow underwear." The second lady says "well I'm wearing pink." The third lady says "No way, I'm wearing blue." ...

What To Get The Wife Who Has Everything

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea....

Doctor Visit

A man and his wife were making their first doctor visit prior to the birth of their first child. After everything checked out, the doctor took a small stamp and stamped the wife's stomach with indelible ink. The couple was curious about what the...

A Living Will

A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a “Living Will” "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." His wife got...

The Typewriter

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that...

Anger vs Exasperation

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, “Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?” The father replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean.” With that the father went...

The Bored Man

There's a man named Ralph that goes into a bar, looking very depressed. A friend approaches him and asks, "Why the long face, Ralph?" "Oh, I'm just bored. I know every person in the entire world now, and there's just nothing left to challenge me."...

Re-Run

One fine afternoon at a golf course, two men were just finishing up the front nine when they decided to take a breather in the clubhouse. They went up to the lounge room and sat down and ordered a glass of beer. They started flipping thru the channels...

Happiest Day Of Your Life

Congratulations my boy!" said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back and remember today as the happiest day of your life." "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow." Protested his nephew. "I know," replied the uncle. "That's exactly what I...

Two young boys

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?' 'Eight', the boy replied. The man continued, 'Do you know what...

The Man Of The House

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be The Man of Your House.' He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a...

Hollywood Squares Questions and Answers

These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.. Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for...

Free Heave...

An 85-year-old couple, after being married for almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercising. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to...

A Kiss A Yard

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten...

History of Math in America

Last week I purchased a drink at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my 2 one dollar bills. I then pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her...

Abe Lincoln

Back in the colonial days a man wanted to grow hair on his chest to impress his new girlfriend. So he went up to George Washington and asked "Hey George how do I get hair on my chest to impress my woman while we make love?" George Washington said...

The Happy Hangover

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he...

Southwest always pulls out on time

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big...

Exercise

I came across this exercise suggested for seniors, to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders. It seems so easy,so I thought I'd pass it on. The article suggested doing it three days a week. Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where...

Good Grades

The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said... "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades.... somebody is going to get a...